I love running. It’s my favorite practice. It’s what I know, what I’ve worked hard to be good at, and what I always find myself thinking sounds like a good idea even when everything’s going wrong or I feel depressed or any other negative thing is happening. Running is there for me. I truly love it. Always have and I think I always will. Even on my worst days, if I go for a run then there is guaranteed bright spot in my day. An hour or two (or three or four…) that I’m present and that I’m proud of doing after.

When I think of running, I think of the feeling of rolling over the ground. My decidedly not round legs somehow revolving together, propelling me forward. When you’re in a good rhythm, not breathing too hard, but moving faster than you remember being able to last month, it feels magical. Like a bird must feel while flying.

I’m running a 50 mile ultra marathon on July 9th, 2022 in Ashland, Oregon. I signed up for it six weeks ago (4/18/22) and in the moment, I couldn’t tell you why I was choosing to do it. I was feeling super shitty, on day 7 of a finnicky little cold, alone in my van in the national forest after driving off (Maple Grove Hot Spring’s) property for the first time since I’d arrived there a month prior, and I was just not doing great. Un-stoked, in a rut, and utterly lacking any sort of passion. And that lack of passion is a feeling I’d been having on and off for a couple months. Somehow though, I found myself opening tabs for different races on ultrasignup.com and saying “why not?”. Back in Ann Arbor, I ran with the Bad Decisions Track Club and I could certainly feel a bad decision coming on. A decision you can’t explain with logic, just a silly smirk and a shrug. These are the best sorts of decisions.

Me running with Bad Decisions Track Club during the 2021 Gallup Gallop 5k relay

I think I know why I made the decision now because the lack of passion; the fog, depression, whatever, has dissipated and I feel more like myself again. I needed to throw myself into something I was scared of and would be challenged by to escape the vicious cycle that was happening in my head. I often overthink myself into these ruts where I forget that life is not to be taken too seriously. Forcing myself to spend an hour or more every day outside, running in beautiful nature has been exactly what I needed. And the knowledge that I might have to be helicoptered off Mt. Ashland if I skimp on my training has been the motivation I need to be consistent with my practice.

I love doing things that are hard. There is so much wrong with the world today and that ignites in me a deep yearning to take action. I want to put myself in challenging situations because I know there is an incredible amount of suffering in the world. This may be a silly way of thinking, but I feel the need to challenge myself, to seek discomfort, to push myself beyond my limits because there are so many beings in the world who live lives full of hardships they do not choose. By willingly choosing to struggle, I feel I become better able to relate to those who suffer. I become a little bit more compassionate, empathetic, and aware of the pain others go through. Obviously my pain is totally different from and without comparison to the pain of those who contemplate suicide, are sold into human trafficking, are addicted to drugs, subject to racism, enslaved, or have had their ancestors or themselves treated less than their full infinite worth. I know my pain doesn’t lessen theirs but it reminds me of it. It takes me one step closer to understanding the unbearable, unimaginable, debilitating pain they must feel. It makes me feel closer and more connected to them. And there is magic in connection.

Another reason I made the decision is because where I’ve spent my Spring in SE Idaho at Maple Grove is the most perfect training spot I can imagine.

The Maple Grove valley carved by the Bear River

Wide open spaces call for me to run, especially Idaho. There’s something about the dirt roads, mountains, farmland, hot springs, and wildlife that makes me think the land wants people to run here. Run the long dirt roads, see the fish jumping, deer staring, trees waving, and birds playing in the wind. Get waves from every vehicle (truck) you pass, perplexed stares from ranchers on their ATVs, and bring some spirit back to this land. To be one of the few humans that pass this land without a loud, fast moving monstrosity we call a vehicle. Or one of the few humans period who pass, as most if not all of the forest trails I use are not man-made but deer/cattle-made. It just feels right to be outdoors, traversing the land on my two feet, in this uniquely human body movement.

It’s important for me to go outside and just be. I’m constantly stopping to look at whatever catches my eye while I run and I always sit and stare for a long while when I reach a good scenic vista. There is abundant beauty in the world and seeing it is necessary for my happiness. Not from through a window or with our mind somewhere else. Ideally without shoes on. Just be. You might think looking at nature through your car window will do the trick but alas that’s not the case. My co-worker Josh drove me down the dirt road I normally run and the difference in experience was mind-blowing. We didn’t have the radio on and I was looking out the window intently, but what I experienced was not the road I knew. There was no hearing wind in the trees, birds singing, or fish splashing. The snow melt had no impact on us, unlike when I run and get mud splashed up my legs and can feel the spongy ground beneath my feet. Suffice to say, it was not the road I knew and I felt no connection to it. We miss a lot when using vehicles other than our own bodies. Our bodies are our most valuable physical possession and when we use a motorized vehicle to take us somewhere that our body could’ve, we negatively impact ourselves. We lose out on the immense gratitude we feel for being alive in our dope, ultra-capable body.

Muddy Quinn. He knows how to use a body properly

Some days, I find it hard to just be. Hard to be present because my mind is wandering into the past or future. Sounds like a cry for meditation if I’ve ever heard one! But sometimes I can’t muster up the courage to meditate. It’s easier for me to run than meditate when in these states because there’s both mental and physical benefits to running. This allows me to decide to do it easier. Meditation is wonderful, but I find it hard to make time for it when we have a desire to achieve so much and meditation is not regarded as a productive use of time in our western, capitalist society. As you may have noticed I think this desire to constantly “achieve” and “be productive” in itself is not good and not something I want to further, but fighting the capitalist mindset is outside the scope of this point so I’ll just say that running is like an easier form of meditation for me. Running can be a distraction if you’re pushing yourself so hard that you can’t think about anything but your body’s pain, but if you’re going for a slow, chill run below your anaerobic threshold, you should be able to recognize your thoughts and acknowledge them. As I’m training for a 50 mile run that will take me around 12 hours, this is the majority of the type of runs I go on. So as I’m writing this I’m realizing it’s no surprise that I find myself being so much happier and fulfilled when I run because I’m basically just tricking myself into being mindful! Finding how you put yourself in mindful, present states, where you’re filled with gratitude is what it’s all about. And for me, the most natural way is running.

Training is going really well. I’m running 5 or 6 days a week for a total of around 50 miles per week, while working a physically demanding construction job and I feel great! I’ve had two running injuries in the past that have taught me that I need to do a lot of strength training and foam rolling as preventative maintenance and I think my taking those two things very seriously has allowed me to push my body further than I ever have previously. When I signed up for the race I wasn’t concerned about my ability to prioritize training and have the mental toughness required, rather I was worried about my achilles, knees, and hips being injury free. Thankfully, I think I’ve learned what I need to do to keep my body healthy while running these distances and it feels amazing! Like I’ve learned how to listen to my body and now my body and mind are able to work together as a team. There is certainly a power to having a strong mind-body connection and I love feeling like I’m honoring that connection. I think everyone has a practice they’re called to do; be it yoga, musical instrument, walking, or any sport. It’s important to find what you’re called to practice and make the courageous decision to practice it. It has the power to lift us up when we’re feeling down and reignite our spirit.